This Boy.

Five months ago you rounded a corner and looked up at me with surprise as if you hadn't been expecting to see me. My son, I sure wasn't expecting you either, but I am so thankful that God placed us together. 

I know this life you're living right now feels three sizes too big. I see your eyes, always watchful and alert. I watch you try to get bigger when you start feeling small. But I want you to know that it won't be this way forever. I am here for you, son. You are safe, you are cherished, and you are loved just as you are. 

There are moments, son. Moments. I notice your tensed shoulders relax. I hear a genuine, joyful giggle escape from your belly. I see you comfortable inside yourself. I want you to know that I am fighting and praying for those moments. And I want you to know that I will wait with you for those moments to stretch into hours and then into days. 

Son, God is working on us both. He moved mountains to bring us together. He was preparing me to be yours long before I knew of you. He is teaching me to be your mommy. I wish I was a faster learner. You deserve a momma who knows just what you need, and you don't deserve the wait for it. My sweet boy, you've waited long enough. But PEACE IS COMING! In our weakness, God's power is made perfect. My sweet boy, God is going to get us there together. 

My son, I want you to know, truly know that you are GOOD! I want you to know that and FEEL that in every part of yourself. You are God's son before anyone else's, and I am blessed by each day that he allows me to be your mom. 

I love you, Sweet Boy.