Seeking Advice

Last night was the girls' first family visit. Two of the kids have birthdays soon, so the parents brought everything for an amazing double birthday party. J and I dropped the girls off, said see you soon, and left them to their family fun. This was the first time that J had met the family, and the excitement that they had when the all reunited was pretty amazing for her to watch. 

After the too-short visit, we returned to take the girls home. They were sugar and silly string covered and all smiles. We piled a cake and a half, three bags of toys, and two balloons into our van. After goodbyes to the siblings, Bio Mom and Dad walked our gals back to my van. Little Sister wasn't terribly happy to be packed back into our car but settled down before the doors were closed. Big Sister, however, was a wreck. Her tears turned mom and dad into a mess (and almost had me in tears too). She sobbed and yelled and sobbed some more until she fell asleep about 30 minutes later. It was truly heart wrenching. 

Closing the door and driving her away from her parents was the hardest moment I've endured in foster parenting.

I'm wondering if there's a better way to prepare her for visits in the future. I had this fear of parents who didn't show up, so I just told her that we had a meeting to attend and that we'd be coming back to the blue house home after. I didn't prepare her for a temporary visit with her parents, and I wish I would have. I would be shocked if the parents missed a visit, and even if they did, there would be a room full of siblings to greet our girls. It's not like they would be sitting at CD all alone. I wish I'd thought about that beforehand. 

How do you talk to a preschooler about this stuff? 

She's old enough to understand that Mommy and Daddy can't be here, but not old enough to really understand why. 

And I'd love any ideas for better ways to handle the goodbye at the end of their visits. Do I distract her? Console her? Feed her? 

Fantastic Things

Fantastic things about our new girls. Because some days we all need to be reminded of the blessings around us!

Simultaneous naps. They've been easy to put down for naps since day two, and they've both slept at the same time!

They love to tickle each other, and their giggles are PURE JOY!

Neither one are messy eaters.

Big sister LOVES to brush her teeth.

They are both great at bath time.

They let me do housework and enjoy helping change laundry.

Both sisters now know our clean up song, and they're generally happy to sing it with me while we pick up toys.

They like the group Fun. and Eric Hutchinson, two of my favorites for happy music.

Curly hair is so much fun to fix! My own curls give me a lot of expertise that has gone to waste until now.

Bedtime is not full of screaming.

Little sister sleeps through the night, and big sister did last night for the first time.

First Week with the Sisters: Rundown

"What her/his name?" 

"What you doin?"

"Go home?" 

"Where Mommy?"

"Where Daddy?" 

"No!"

"Miss Kelley say no?" 

That pretty much sums up my week. Day one was spent pulling little monkeys down from stair railings, counter tops, shelves and beds. I walked behind my monkeys picking up everything that needed to be kept out of little hands. And I said "No." A lot. Bedtime was HARD. It was close to 10:00 before everyone was asleep in their beds. They awoke several times through the night.

Day two was a pretty great day. The girls and I played baby doctor all morning. We had lunch, they both napped long enough for me to catch a shower, and before we could get bored or cranky, it was time to pick up the big kids from school. Bedtime was a little smoother. I let both girls snuggle with me until they fell asleep. They were in bed by 9:15 and both slept through the night! 

Day three was placement hearing day. And dance class day for Miriam. It was packed with many appointments and we were barely home. Bedtime was better still.  I think the girls were exhausted. They both crashed on the couch with me and were in their beds around 9:00. Big sister woke up several times overnight, and little sister slept through. 

On day four, I took the girls on a quick shopping trip to let big sister pick out big girl undies. She was SO excited! We got home, picked up kids from school, visited my mom's house, and got home in time for dinner. Bio Mom and Dad called around 7:45 that evening, and the girls were a little thrown off by that. Bedtime was rough. It was about 9:45 before both of them were in bed. They both woke up overnight. 

Day five (Saturday) started with a Lego competition for Noah. Amos and I are coaches, so we really had to be there. We loaded up all the kids and took them to the event. It was utter insanity! I made it through the opening ceremonies where Noah's team was recognized and took the girls and left. Both sisters fell asleep in the van. When we got home, we played at the neighborhood playground until dinner time. Bedtime was a breakthrough when little sister let me lay her in her crib to sleep. She slept through the night; big sister woke up several times.

We attempted Mass on day six. It was laughable! The snow scared most of the parishioners away, and we were the only family with kids. I said, "Well, every single person witnessed the inanity, but at least that wasn't many!" The rest of the day was spent at home. Bedtime was pretty great. Little sister went to sleep in her bed again and slept through the night. Bis sister awoke less often.

My biggest trial is definitely disciplining the girls. At first, I was torn about my expectations of them. They're two years old, and I'd forgotten what reasonable expectations are at that age. It was really a good thing that the behavior was so out of control that first day because I didn't have a choice but to set firm boundaries and consistent consequences. I'm SO glad that I did because big sister responded to time out like a dream and has (so far) respected my "no." Little sister continues throws a fit with the best of them. She is all drama, and her performance is complete with flopping, screaming, and an occasional glance to see if she has an audience. She rarely does. 

We truly have made huge strides this week! The kids are all getting along fairly well (I'll write about my bios soon), and Amos and I are learning to to go to bed early or live on little sleep!