Crunch Time: Prayers Needed in the Coming Days

The summer has, once again, slipped through my fingers. It's back to school soon. Miriam's first year in elementary school. J's last year in middle school. My first year with all three kids in school all day. I keep getting questioned,

"What are you going to do now that they're all in school?" 

Honestly, I'm uncomfortable with this question. I wish I wasn't. I want my days to be cleaning, cooking, volunteering, to be excited to get the kids home to an after-school snack and debriefing, with enough energy left to be a wife when Amos gets home. That's what I'm called to do. But the "excuse" to stay home runs out when your kids hit Kindergarten. 

My usual answer to the big questions is "I'm going to spend the first semester helping in the kids' classrooms,  enjoying a house that stays clean and laundry that is caught up." I add that I might substitute come second semester if I have too much time on my hands. I guess that is the plan. For now. But once we finish classes next week and find out for certain that we are licensed to adopt, my answer will change a bit. Instead of talking about substituting, I'll be sharing with everyone that we're waiting for our newest child(ren).

I'm giddy excited. And paralyzed with fear. 

To this point, our path has been very private. We've shared our story with my family and our closest friends (and of course the entire blog community!), but only word of mouth has taken the news any further. I've mentioned before that we're in the midst of a two-way interview. We haven't been offered the job, and we haven't had a chance to accept the position. Yet. 

It's crunch time. We're six days away from finishing our licensing class. Then it's time to make some very complicated decisions. 

Will we adopt? Will we foster? Both? What type of fostering will we be open to? What works for our family? Where is God leading us? 

I am desperately reaching to God. Relying on Him. Praying, praying that we are able to follow His lead.

What I want to ask of you is this:

Will you pray for us in the coming days? 

My God, our God, is wildly amazing. The way he loves me takes my breath away. I am so undeserving of his grace and mercy! We are blessed beyond words to be walking beside him, to be an instrument of his peace.

Amos and I need wisdom. We need time to be silent and listen to God. We need to walk by faith which takes courage. We need courage. We need to trust God with our family, trust that he is present and working in the hearts of all of our children, those already under our roof and those who are not yet with us. We are so appreciative of any and all prayers and petitions that you are so kind to offer on our behalf! 

Seeking Direction

Laying beside my sleeping husband a couple nights ago, my mind was wandering aimlessly, noting the to-do's of the next day, wondering about the changes ahead of us, and finally mulling over what on earth to do about our son. Abruptly, I remembered unpacking books from the final moving boxes the week before, in particular, The Power of a Praying Parent. I felt compelled to retrieve the book right then, but the fear of being too tired to mother in the morning kept me under the covers, as if that's a valid reason to resist the nudging of God.

Tonight, I sat down in the midst of the day's aftermath and opened the cover for the first time since Big Sister was a toddler. I dredged through the typical first chapter introduction, wondering if I'd be able to focus long enough to get to the meat of it. After pages of preparation scattered with scripture, I prayed the chapter's concluding prayer and meditated momentarily over the words.

Then my worries, guilt, frustrations, anger, ignorance, and lack of direction came pouring out jumbled and precise, beautiful and disgusting. I prayed for my son in a way that I never have, adding another guilt to unload through my prayer. I sat by his bed with my hand on his back, offering my son's life and my parenting for the glory of God. I cried a storm of silent tears sitting there with my hand on his little back.

Almost instantaneously, God directed me back to His path. The path that was familiar not so long ago seems so uncomfortable in this moment. Where I was wandering aimlessly through our days, our life, my son was following diligently. Oh, how I pray that he follows me as I struggle to get back on God's track with my mothering!

Pour our your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your little ones. (Lamentations 2:19)

This Little Prayer of Mine

We say our bedtime prayers and our mealtime prayers. We pray for victims and rescue workers when we see an ambulance or fire truck. We attend Mass regularly and pray together there. We pray for our friends and family. We pray prayers of thanksgiving, adoration, and petition. All this praying that we do in our families, with our children! We hope that it brings us together... closer to the God we love and trust. We hope that it plants the seeds for our children to grow and mature in their faith and relationships with God. Sometimes I worry that I'm not doing enough to cultivate a long term love for God in my children. I try. I try to keep God alive in our home. I try to make my own faith visible to my children. I try to involve them in my faith in the hopes that it will be a springboard for theirs. And I pray.

Yesterday afternoon, the Fed Ex truck pulled up and delivered a much anticipated package! Last week, I received an email from Anthony DeStefano inviting me to be a part of the publicity effort for his new children's book, This Little Prayer of Mine. Little Mister was so excited that the author of a book was giving us a copy- and it would be here in time for his birthday! I, meanwhile, started researching Anthony DeStefano because I really like to know who I'm endorsing! This guy has led an amazing, busy, amazing life! Really, go read about him! Hubby and I were both impressed!

When we got the package yesterday, we just had to open it before we left to pick up Big Sister from school. Little Mister's eyes bulged from his head, and his chin dropped in amazement that the book had really come! You would've thought it had popped straight out of the computer screen!

After school, my kids and I sat around the counter in the kitchen, sugar cookies in hand, to find out what this book was all about. The prayer that is offered through the pages of This Little Prayer of Mine covers so many issues (the ones that seem life or death to a 3 year old) that my children haven't yet learned to pray through. A little girl prays to be happy even though her doll was dismembered by her puppy. A boy was left out of the group of kids (Big Sister thought it was awesome that there was a DSi in that illustration). In a store, the boy, arms heaping with a pile of toys remembers to say thank you for all that he already has.

The book even made me stop and think about what I do when these situations arise. More often than not, I'm cuddling my toddler when she's sad, giving my tweenager advice when she's left out, and disciplining my preschooler when he's grabbing toys from the shelves on our shopping trips. These are not situations where I instinctively teach prayer... but they should be.

I didn't expect this to be a children's book that would reach all of my children, ages 2 to 10, one that would make each of them (and me) think. But Anthony DeStefano's children's book, This Little Prayer of Mine did just that. The book is available to pre-order now for just shy of nine bucks and will be released next week, on February 16th. I really do believe that this book would be a valuable addition to any kids' bookshelf and prayer life!

These opinions are my own.

I was not paid for this review.

Prayer to Saint Peregrine

Prayer to Saint Peregrine O great St. Peregrine, you have been called "The Mighty," "The Wonder-Worker," because of the numerous miracles which you have obtained from God for those who have had recourse to you.

For so many years you bore in your own flesh this cancerous disease that destroys the very fibre of our being, and who had recourse to the source of all grace when the power of man could do no more. You were favoured with the vision of Jesus coming down from His Cross to heal your affliction. Ask of God and Our Lady, the cure of the sick whom we entrust to you, especially Chuck Stack. Aided in this way by your powerful intercession, we shall sing to God, now and for all eternity, a song of gratitude for His great goodness and mercy. Amen.

Stuck According to His Will

I read Miss Holly's thoughts at Falling Upward tonight, and as usual, she made me reflect on my own life.

Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting around for my life to start, and I'm afraid it's going to be nine more years before I'll truly be rid of that feeling. The reason? Lovely Judge Clayton has us planted in the town where I was born and raised until my daughter is eighteen. We're half way there this summer.

When my friend circle seems particularly small (though never lacking in quality!), when the activity choices for my kids seems sparse, when I'm forced to move my kid to our public school instead of a different Catholic school, I dream about what life would be like had we been allowed to move closer to the city where my husband works. I detest the fact that I've never lived outside my hometown of 3,500 people. Though I never want to live in the heart of a city, it disappoints me that activities like ice skating lessons or quality performing arts are two hours away. While I love my small-town parish, it makes me sad to know that there are next to no other young Catholic families to befriend. These are the thoughts that go through my head, the ones that I struggle to push out of my heart at least a few times a week.

I know, without a doubt, that God has kept us in this town for a reason. I believe with all my heart that He is working through us somehow, or that we've been kept here to learn a precious lesson. If nothing else, I'm learning that patience isn't just needed while my kids are asking the same question 82 times in a row. No, patience in that context is a breeze for me. It is in the long waits that I struggle. The eighteen year wait to start fresh, to not be known as the girl who had a baby in high school, to find a community where I truly feel at home (instead of only feeling at home inside my the walls of our house), demands my daily prayer for patience and peace.

Prayer

breathe... 

Lord, help me to control my anger and impatience tonight.  Help me to be a soldier for Your glory.  Grant me the wisdom to recognize the difference between the small things in life and the big; sometimes it is so difficult to tell.  Lord, I know that some people have very good hearts and intentions.  Let me constantly give the benefit of the doubt to those who I struggle to see their righteous intentions.  If it be your will, calm my mother's instinct.  Let me rest in knowing that you will not give me more than I can bear, that I've born more than this in my life here on Earth.  I turn to you, O God, and place this tired, angered heart in Your hands that it may be healed and filled with your grace.  

Amen.

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O holy protectress of those who art in greatest need, thou who shineth as a star of hope in the midst of darkness, blessed Saint Rita, bright mirror of God's grace, in patience and fortitude thou art a model of all the states in life. I unite my will with the will of God through the merits of my Savior Jesus Christ, and in particular through his patient wearing of the crown of thorns, which with tender devotion thou didst daily contemplate. Through the merits of the holy Virgin Mary and thine own graces and virtues, I ask thee to obtain my earnest petition, provided it be for the greater glory of God and my own sanctification. Guide and purify my intention, O holy protectress and advocate, so that I may obtain the pardon of all my sins and the grace to persevere daily, as thou didst in walking with courage, generosity, and fidelity down the path of life.

Saint Rita, advocate of the impossible, pray for us.  
Saint Rita, advocate of the helpless, pray for us.