Almost Official

Tomorrow our sweet licensing worker will visit, and when she leaves, we will be official foster parents. 

Honestly, I'm terrified. 

It's been a month since we signed our home study. A whole month of silence and very little evidence that we were teetering on the edge of a major life change. I'd like to say that it's been hard to wait, that we've been counting down the days with growing anxiousness.

I'd be lying. 

I have reveled in the silent mornings when the kids have left for school and I am left with my coffee and a peaceful view.

I appreciated every opportunity to sneak lunch dates with Amos. I noticed every instance where I felt stretched to my parenting limit. We went on outings, aware of the ease of being a family with three school-age kids.

Here's the truth. I'm still struggling with giving up the comfort and normalcy and routine. I'm struggling with giving it up AND with taking it away from my kids.

I haven't asked for a single update from our licensing worker. I haven't wondered what in the world could be taking the home study agency so long. People seem to think that I should be jumping out of my skin with anticipation, and I almost feel apathetic when I share about this waiting period.

But here's the thing.
God's got this.
He knows the plan.
I want His perfect timing.
We want to do His will.
The last thing I want to do is rush the preparations that God is making.