A Reason for Sharing

When the letter arrived inviting us to the summer session of STARS classes, one of the first things I did was dive into research. I scoured Amazon for books on foster care adoption, attachment, general adoption, and general foster care. I stopped by Barnes and Noble and weeded through the psychology and family sections. When my mind wouldn't' calm, I spent nights browsing blogs and Pinterest. I started my Foster Adoption Board.

Amazon offered one, ONE, book on foster adoption. 

Barnes and Noble had one, ONE, book on adoption. How does a giant store have only ONE book about adoption?? 

The internet was by far the most helpful research tool. I found a great post on adopt-only foster adoptions,

but I have yet to find a blog about foster adopt ONLY. Everyone fostered-to-adopt. And none of those couples had bio kids already. 

This week, I began to learn the value of sharing our personal stories with each other. What I wouldn't give to pick the brain of another mother who had walked her kids through the process of adopting from foster care! SO, I'm going to share this walk, however short or long it may be, whatever the outcome. There will be mistakes along the way as Amos and I fumble our way through the licencing process, but at the end of it all, there will be one more honest account of what it looks like to walk through foster care licensing and (possibly!) adoption. Arming another parent with information is a pretty great reason to share our story! 

Four Reasons Why Adopting from Foster Care is Right For Us

Of the 250,000 who enter the US foster system each year, 104,000 are waiting to be adopted. That number is tiny compared to other countries, but for the kids in foster care, it's enormous.  There is a desperate need in our own backyard, and it doesn't take passports and weeks out of the country to provide unconditional love to a child who is without it. I have a custody arrangement with my sweet J, and leaving the country for weeks just isn't an easy feat to accomplish. It's part patriotism and part knowing how logistically difficult it would be for me to be out of the country. Domestic adoption just "fit" our life, and we saw the real need for foster adoptions. Amos and I feel God leading us to "help out at home."

It's virtually FREE to adopt from foster care. Fingerprinting, home studies, lawyer fees. They're all covered. Of course, there will be expenses that come as with any addition to a family, but the typical fees associated with adoption are taken care of by the state.  You don't even have to adopt within your state for costs to be covered. We could adopt a child from here or one from Alaska. The paperwork would be greater, but the cost wouldn't change. While this isn't really a reason that we chose to follow this path, it sure is a nice perk and allows us to stay on track with our Dave Ramsey plans as well as giving us the ability to prepare our home for a new addition.

I'm honestly not familiar with the post-adoptive resources available in other types of adoption, but we're continually amazed at how much support is given to families post-adoption in foster care adoptions. Families have access to free counseling, medical coverage for the adopted child(ren) until age 18, a huge library of resources, and a list of other services that I haven't verified yet. I wasn't sure what I thought about all this "help" in the context of our family. I'm not thrilled about having three bio kids on our family insurance and adopted kids on a different one. I personally would like as little difference as possible between our three and any new ones that we are blessed with. But we are largely ignorant at this point, and opinions are likely to change along the way. As our social worker pointed out earlier this week, if it means getting a child into a loving family, the state is willing to spend some of the money that they would have spent on the kids anyway. That does make sense to me.

The most important reason we're pursuing foster adoption is because God has called us to do so!  I believe with all my heart that our lives will only feel complete if we rest in Jesus and do our best to follow God's will in our lives.

"You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you!"

St. Augustine

Beginnings

Courageous, my sister called us... but I feel aimless right now. I know we are registered for classes that will lead to being approved for adoption from the foster care system. But there is so much unanswered right now.  I'm praying that we have clarity soon in regard to the purpose in this path that we're on. All we know confidently in this moment is that God is leading us to take these classes and we are committed to adoption if that is His will. Maybe we'll adopt at the end of the summer. Maybe we'll end up being respite caregivers for other foster parents. Maybe we'll adopt later in our lives. Maybe God has a plan that we cannot guess.

We have barely begun this journey. A string of emails between the social worker and I.  One phone call to register for classes. A background check agreed to. A planned home visit. A short conversation with my parents. A heads' up to my siblings.

We have barely begun this journey, but in many ways, we've been walking this path for years. It was such a subtle beginning that I hardly know where it started. When we made our marriage vows 8 years ago, Amos and I promised to accept children willingly and lovingly from God. We were keenly aware that those children could come through pregnancy OR adoption, but we didn't begin our marriage with the intention of adopting children. I brought my sweet daughter with me into our marriage, and three years and two surprise pregnancies later, we had become a five-some.

God began planting seeds in our lives around the time our  little Miriam was turning two. Amos and I were both introduced to adoption separately at first. I watched as a dear friend of mine journeyed to Africa to adopt her precious twin boys, Amos began to learn about coworkers who had adopted, and we both began to dream (literally) about adopting someday.

One night as I was praying my way through adoption research online, I came across the Jackson County, Missouri children's division's website with its photo listings of children in the foster care system who were adoptable. Something was different inside my heart at I prayed over the faces and names of the children on that website. It was different than the waiting child lists I'd viewed on international adoption sites. I sobbed, and my heart ached for these kids who were so brokenhearted and wanted nothing more than unconditional love. That night, I "met" a brother and sister who tugged especially hard at my heart, and I spent a lot of time praying for them and about them. I shared their profile with Amos, and we decided to inquire about them. Sending that inquiry email was our initial commitment to whatever plan God had for us. Although we did not adopt the little blondies smiling in that photo, I am confident that God carved out a part of my heart for them. I consider myself to be a prayer warrior on their behalf, and I pray for the two of them regularly now and trust that they are happy and healing in their new family.

For two more years, we prayed for guidance and that we would be able to hear God's call for our family.

And we waited.

In the fall of 2012, God moved a few mountains (a story in itself) and led us to an adoption event that would connect us to social workers as well as adoptable foster children. The event was terribly uncomfortable for Amos and I both, and we began to wonder what in the world was worth so much apparent effort to get us there. We finally started visiting with a social worker who answered many of our questions and took our contact information. More importantly, she made us feel comfortable and welcomed into the foster care community.

In January, we received a foster care adoption information packet and an invitation to begin STARS classes. We tried to arrange our lives to attend the 11 week class, but it just wasn't possible. I inquired about a summer session, but there hadn't been one in several years and was no plan for one.

We prayed and asked God to open a door if it was His will that we continue to walk this path.

In February, Amos accepted a new job and began working remotely for the first time in his career. He would be home virtually every night instead of being away 2-3 nights a week. He would be working from an office three miles from our home instead of a hundred. He would have a five minute commute instead of two hours.

Last week, God opened the door we had been praying about with a letter inviting us to register for summer classes. After praying and talking about it, we called the same social worker we'd met last fall and committed to the next leg of our journey...