At our therapist's suggestions, we have started talking about the A word more at home. We selected our adoption attorney, and she seems fabulous! She deals exclusively with adoptions and has already proven to be a wealth of knowledge. During our first conversation, she told me that if I drove our paperwork to our state's capitol city, I could have the kids' new birth certificates as soon as the day after adoption. No months of waiting! She has also adopted personally, and I feel at peace with her guidance.
We are back to the paperwork. We have signed subsidy contracts. We spent two days filling out attorney information forms. I have chased copies of birth certificates, social security cards, and TPR orders. Name changes to be solidified. Psych evaluations have to be administered.
I think the kids are feeling reality setting in. Emotions have been a bit heightened, and I have seen hints of behaviors that have been absent for over a month. We are persevering and doing our best to keep them all appropriately updated on the adoption progress.
The possibility that Miss A will decide not to be adopted is in the front of my mind these days. At fourteen, adoption will ultimately be her decision. I keep looking for ways to let her know that she is forever family even if she decides against adoption, but I don't want her to think that we're not over-the-moon excited to be her parents. I don't want her to choose adoption because she worries about disappointing us. I want her to know and trust that we love her unconditionally, but I know that isn't a reasonable expectation for me to have.
Ultimately, I am, once again, doing my best to let go and let God. He's navigating us through this maze, and I try (and fail daily) to keep my focus on Him. There is much to be done. But allowing God to work on our hearts and our family bond HAS to be my priority now more than ever.