We dropped Noah and Miriam off at my parents' this morning, stopped by our favorite coffee house for a peppermint latte to calm my churning stomach, and headed down the familiar path to the Children's Division a county away. We pulled into the parking lot that we'd parked in many times for our girls' visits. Today, as we sat with ten other people trying to find out in 90 minutes time whether we were a good fit for these 8 and 13 year old siblings, I longed for the simplicity of that placement. I liked being a foster mom so much more than being as adoptive parent so far. The fear and insecurity that come along with this new role drive me nuts!
Here's the truth. I don't look at the facts on paper and think "We've got this is the bag!" Whether or not we would work as an adoptive family for these two is anyone's guess. Looking at the faces and expressions of the team members during our interview made me believe that they were on the same page.
We sat at a table with ten team members who took turns asking us questions. We were in our interview for nearly two hours. They asked more questions than I could remember, at least twenty because they went around the table twice. There were predictable questions like, "Tell us about your family routine." There were some that caught us off guard, such as, "What are your expectations with name changes?" Overall, I think we did a decent job giving them all the information we found relevant. We were able to ask all of our questions. We asked, "What's the one thing about each of the kids that makes you want to hide in a corner and cry?" I HOPE and PRAY that they weren't sugar coating their stories because they certainly didn't scare me off. Even if their stories were truly the worst, I feel confident in one thing-- if the team decides that we are the best option for a successful placement, we have to be prepared for a tumultuous year in order to say yes.
As I walked out the doors of the office, the next couple being staffed sat waiting. They were sweet looking, had a few years on us, and I found myself praying for their interview. I've been praying off and on all day for the team, for the other families, and that there is a perfect fit for these kids. One that the team was in full agreement on. That could be us, in which case we'll be saying yes and diving in. And it could be another family, and I'll be so happy that there was a family well suited for the kids.
I am more exhausted than I have been in weeks, but our staffing interview is complete. Apparently, this is the part of the story where we wait some more. The part where the waiting makes me crazy, makes me second guess every move we've made in the last two years, makes me joke away encouragement and shrug off wishes of good luck. This part is tough for me. I don't do vulnerable or unknown well. I just want to know SOMETHING! Waiting on this call feels a lot like waiting on labor to start, only we don't know if we'll end up with more children at the end of it.
And just to lighten things us a bit-- a little Independence Day silliness--