Today was the first rough parenting day I've had since we committed to our STARS classes.
I set myself up for it, I admit. The kids had been without screens for a week, so I thought they would be content to watch a movie while I absorbed myself with research in the next room. What I didn't factor in were the three late nights in a row that the kids had, the early morning that Noah had in spite of the string of late nights, and the fact that Miriam was woken up instead of waking up naturally.
She tried on his hat. Chaos ensued. Miriam was a simple fix. A minute in my room to brainstorm better ways to have handled the disagreement. Noah, on the other hand, was just a mess. Two hours later, we finished our power struggle, and he eventually laid down for the nap that I required before he could go to VBS again tonight. He woke up as my sweet, clever kid, praise God!
In the midst of our chaos this morning, I found myself on my knees crying and asking God how in the world I was going to function with more of this. I wanted to throw in the towel, forget God's gentle nudges that I've so clearly been feeling and just go back to a predicable life where the occasional meltdown is the worst of it. Sometimes my Noah pushes me to the edge of my self control, and today I worried that another, higher maintenance kid might push me past that point. Doubt seeped into my faith and left a pit in my stomach for the large part of the afternoon.
No matter what path we're walking, God doesn't make us go it alone! He restores my strength when it is weakened and gives me assurance when I need it the most. Tonight, for the first time, I watched Miss J get excited about sharing her room. This is huge for her as the potential of "her" space being lost has been her biggest complaint along the way. Tonight, she talked about having her little sister as a roommate with a smiling face and happy heart. The resentfulness and entitlement that I had watched and prayed about for months, years even, was gone, my doubt along with it. And I am at peace.