Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Reflection

Do you ever wonder where you'd be in your life were it not for [fill in the blank]? I am fully aware that the very line of thought negates the "bloom where you're planted"/"Seize the Day" mentality that I typically try to keep. Seriously, though, I cannot be the only satisfied girl on the planet who reminisces about where she was ten years ago and looks forward to where she'll be ten years later.

The thing I've noticed lately is that when I think about what was and is to come, I never find myself wondering what life would be like without my husband. I think about what we'd be like if we'd successfully put off having kids for a few years, I think about what we'd be like if we'd never had any at all, I think about what we might be like with a few more and what life will be like when we finally get to experience being married without kids in the house. Sometimes I wonder what we'd be doing had we managed our finances properly as young single adults or what we'll do in five years when we've recuperated. I wonder what my appearance would be like had I not had more children, what it will be like when I'm able to exercise without children underfoot. I used to reminisce about myself, but now, instead of "What would my life have been like if...?" I wonder what OUR life would have been like if... or what it will be like when...

I used to think that five years of marriage would bring a routine, a constant, a general feeling of having the hang of it. But as we're living year number five, I'm realizing how much we're learning... about ourselves, about each other, about marriage. And the more I learn, the more I realize how little we know. I am SO excited to find out what marriage is like 10, 25, 50 years in. Because, so far, I still feel like I'm playing house a lot of the time. I feel excited about building a future with a wonderful man, and I'm having a blast living as his wife.

I can't imagine where I'd be had I not discovered what marriage should really be like... had I remained trapped by the high school girl naivety about finding self worth in men. I have to admit, when it comes to raising my daughters to be strong, traditional, Godly, and feminine, I'm groping around in the dark a lot of the time. Some days I find myself praying before each sentence I speak to Big Sister. Though we come with our share of faults and weaknesses, it's comforting to know that God has provided a healthy marriage for my daughters to witness, one that sets an example of how preciously she deserves to be treated should she be called to the vocation of marriage. And I thank God every day that Little Mister is watching his Daddy be a dedicated, loving, strong father and husband.


Thanks for stopping by,

1 comment:

Mrs. Haid said...

I know what you mean when you say finding your self worth in men.

We were really like that, weren't we? And I don't think I would have listened or understood had someone tried to explain it to me then.