Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Second Chances / Seeds of Doubt / Faith Testers

Sometimes it's tough to see where God is leading.  When two choices are presented, neither bad and both likely to change your life, what do you do?  I generally pray, listen, reflect on the ways that God may be speaking to me, pray some more, and make a decision.  BUT, what happens when the decision is made and then you're presented with an unexpected turn of events, an opportunity to change your mind?  Do you consider it a silent nudge from the Big Guy or an evil effort to deter you from God's will?  I had a conversation with a friend along these lines recently, and today I'm faced with a "turn of events" myself.  

Actually, I find myself in these circumstances more often than I'd like... or maybe I create them by overanalyzing... of maybe it's a direct result of... and there I go again.  Deciding whether to send Little Mister to preschool this year or homeschool for a year first, deciding whether to purchase my grandparent's house from the estate after they passed away, deciding if we are called to have more children, deciding to switch Big Sister to public education... these are all major decisions, just in the past six months, that were initially made, after much prayer and thought, confidently and finally.  BUT, after each of these choices were made, there was a curve ball or a chance for a do-over presented.  The teacher we'd tried to avoid, who factored heavily into our decision to change schools, was switched to a lower grade only days after we'd enrolled my daughter in public school.  After signing Little Mister up for preschool, the tuition was raised enough to make us rethink enrolling him.  We met wall after wall as we dove into the paperwork and jumped through the hoops that is closing on an estate purchase.  

Reading His signals about another baby has been possibly the most frustrating.  First we decided to delay the process a while, and God immediately verified that the time wasn't right yet.  We felt ready, and then God's sense of humor kicked in and he threw me a 28 day cycle for the first time in 10 years.  Really, I'm 22 days like clockwork and can show my charted cycles from the past 2 years to prove it.   I can't help but wonder if that's a subtle sign from God or just a lesson in giving Him the reigns...